The Perplexing Pineapple Read online

  ‘It’s-iggle e-thiggle Ief-chiggle of-iggle Olice-piggle,’ the other replied.

  ‘Ow-niggle at-whiggle are-iggle e-wiggle oing-giggle o-tiggle o-diggle? All-iggle e-thiggle oney-miggle rom-figgle e-thiggle ank-biggle obbery-riggle is-iggle in-iggle is-thiggle ack-siggle!’

  ‘En-whiggle I-iggle ive-giggle e-thiggle ignal-siggle,’ whispered the guinea pig, ‘ake-miggle a-iggle un-riggle or-figgle e-thiggle oor-diggle!’

  ‘Okay-iggle!’

  What an odd language! Coco was struck by some faint memory from his far-off days in the Police Academy. Didn’t he learn about something like this? Something …

  But all such thoughts were driven from his mind: the grandmother and her grandson were getting up and preparing to leave!

  ‘Come along, Ernesto, darling,’ the grandmother was saying. ‘Time for your nap.’

  Coco did not hesitate a moment. He sprang out of his chair and lunged forward, grabbing the grandmother round the neck.

  ‘Not so fast, granny!’ he cried.

  Some clues at the back of the book might help.

  Chapter Five

  To Coco’s surprise, the grandmother made no attempt to resist, but instead fell down instantly on her furry knees.

  ‘I admit everything!’ she sobbed. ‘Throw me in prison immediately! Just don’t harm my little Ernesto!’

  Everyone in the cafe, including the two chess-players, stared at Coco in shocked disapproval. One of the solemn waiters came running over at once.

  ‘Che! Señor Coco, what are you doing? This lady is a regular customer!’

  ‘That may be, but she’s also a dangerous criminal,’ said Coco gravely.

  A great gasp spread around the room.

  ‘Perhaps we should ask her a few questions first,’ said Alberta, a little embarrassed, ‘before leaping to conclusions.’

  The grandmother dried her eyes with a napkin supplied by the waiter and got up from her knees, patting her lovely pink fur.

  ‘I’m so sorry to get carried away like that,’ she apologised. ‘I just thought I’d get it over with. Little Ernesto does need his nap.’

  Little Ernesto, who was standing on a chair, gazed at Coco and Alberta with round bright eyes, not appearing remotely tired.

  ‘It won’t take long,’ Alberta assured her sternly. ‘It’s just about a balloon.’

  ‘A balloon?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Alberta. ‘Is it not the case that every day, for the past week, you have bought your grandson a pineapple-shaped balloon?’

  ‘Er, yes,’ admitted the grandmother, puzzled. ‘He does love them so! It’s not a crime, is it?’

  ‘We’ll see about that,’ said Coco.

  ‘The next question is,’ said Alberta, ‘why a new balloon every day?’

  ‘Ah, well,’ smiled the grandmother. ‘You see, after we’ve been to the park, I always like to take Ernesto for a submarino. He does—’

  ‘Yes, yes, he loves them so,’ said Coco impatiently. ‘Get on with it.’

  The grandmother looked hurt.

  ‘On our way to the Confitería Tortoni,’ she continued, ‘Ernesto likes to stop and look up at the Obelisco. He always says to me, “Oh Abuela, that’s where Coco the Chief of Police is. He’s looking after us, isn’t he, Abuela?”’

  She stared meaningfully at Coco, who blushed under his fur. He glanced at Ernesto more kindly. Then he frowned – was Ernesto poking out his tongue at him, or just licking chocolate from his lips?

  ‘The problem is,’ sighed the grandmother, ‘when he looks up at the Obelisco, somehow my dear darling forgets to hang on to the string of the balloon. And of course, up it goes, into the air, and my poor little one is very unhappy and starts to cry.’

  ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG HGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAGHA!’ demonstrated Ernesto.

  ‘I see,’ said Alberta.

  ‘And I can’t bear to see him cry, so I tickle him on his tummy and he starts to laugh.’

  ‘AHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHE HAHAHAHEHEHEHEHE,’ chortled Ernesto, rolling around.

  ‘I see!’ said Alberta again, with more emphasis.

  Bored, Ernesto gave a yawn, crawled down from his chair and went and sat at the table with the two chess-players.

  ‘Señora,’ said Coco, unable to contain himself a moment longer. ‘Has it occurred to you that the appearance of this balloon, possibly floating past someone’s window, may be extremely distressing for – er – someone?’

  ‘Oh,’ said the grandmother, doubtfully, ‘I suppose if that someone had a very peculiar fear of balloons—’

  Ernesto began to push chess pieces over, one by one, then onto the floor.

  ‘If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion,’ said Coco with some emotion, ‘why not tie the string of the balloon onto the wrist of dear little Ernesto? So that he is unable to let go of it, even when contemplating the wonders of the Obelisco?’

  ‘What a marvellous idea!’ replied the grandmother, beaming at Coco and his red sash. ‘I never thought of that! No wonder you’re the Chief of Police!’

  Suddenly there was a crash of a table turning over. The two chess-players dashed to the door at a frantic pace, each carrying a large purple sack. In their haste they tripped on the rolling chess pieces and fell flat on the floor. Their hats tumbled off their faces and the sacks spilled open, revealing hundreds of crisp new banknotes.

  ‘Great carrots!’

  Coco marched over to the two chess-playing guinea pigs and towered above them impressively.

  ‘Get to your feet!’ he cried in triumph. ‘I arrest you both for bank robbery, in the name of the city of Buenos Aires!’

  Chapter Six

  The city was agog. The two most dreadful bank robbers in the history of Buenos Aires had been caught at the Confitería Tortoni, by none other than Coco, the Chief of Police!

  OUR HERO COCO!

  read the banners and the blimps. So many bunches of beautiful flowers of congratulations arrived at the Obelisco, soon there was scarcely room to climb the steps.

  Coco and Alberta were invited to a special dinner in the Casa Rosada, where Coco was presented with a medal of honour for extreme bravery, which the President herself pinned to his sash. The food was wonderful, with plates of carrots and lettuce and corn on the cob. A band played tangos all night long.

  ‘But how did you know they were bank robbers, Coco?’ asked Alberta, as they sat drinking coconut juice on the balcony outside the Presidential Ballroom. ‘And not just two chess-players in a hurry to leave?’

  ‘Remember that strange language they were speaking?’ said Coco. ‘It wasn’t a strange language at all – it was a kind of code. We learnt about it back at the Police Academy. Guinea-Pig Latin – it’s commonly spoken by bank robbers, apparently.’

  ‘That is a useful thing to know,’ observed Alberta.

  ‘Well, it is, I suppose,’ said Coco. ‘But you are truly wonderful, Alberta. I don’t know what I would have done without you. It was amazing how you guessed the pineapple was a balloon all along!’

  ‘Excuse me, Coco,’ said Alberta sharply. ‘I never guess. I used my enormous brain.’

  ‘Ah yes, of course,’ said Coco, with a meek sip of his coconut juice.

  ‘By the way,’ said Alberta, changing the subject, ‘I must say your medal looks lovely!’

  ‘Yes,’ said Coco, peering down at it. ‘Although they seem to have spelled my name rather strangely.’

  ‘Never mind that,’ said Alberta, who was herself not terribly good at spelling. She stood up from her chair, and picked up her brown-paper bag. ‘I’d better be heading home now.’

  ‘So soon!’ Coco was downcast. ‘But you haven’t even finished your coconut juice!’

  ‘Sorry, Coco,’ said Alberta. ‘I’ve got a jigsaw puzzle that needs doing. You know where to find me if you need me again.’

  And she was gone, before he could even cover her with goodbye kisses.

  Coco was sad in his heart, but still, he knew she would return.


  He leaned back in his chair. The orchestra was starting to play his favourite tango. He sat in the moonlight, breathing in the night air, softly humming to himself the words he loved so well …

  My beloved Buenos Aires

  The day I see you again

  There will be no more sorrow …

  CAN YOU FIND ...

  If you look very closely, you will find that these chess-playing bank robbers appear throughout the story. How many can you spot? And are there any other clues about them you can see in the pictures?

  CLUES FOR PUZZLES

  CLOCK PUZZLE

  Did you know that the world is divided up into different times, depending on where the sun is? I wonder what time it is where YOU live?

  BALLOON PUZZLE

  Here’s a hint to show you how Alberta worked out the missing balloon.

  The fruit-shaped balloons are these fruits:

  See what happens when you take the first letter of each fruit and put that letter on each balloon. It makes a sentence – with ONE letter missing!

  GUINEA-PIG LATIN PUZZLE

  As Coco soon realises, the two guinea pigs playing chess are speaking a secret language called ‘Guinea-Pig Latin’. If you know Pig Latin, I guess you can work it out – but if you don’t, here’s some help.

  Let’s look at the first three words the guinea pig says:

  Ook-liggle over-iggle ere-thiggle!

  In Guinea-Pig Latin, you take away the first letter of a word you want to say, and put it at the end of that word. Then you add iggle. So:

  LOOK becomes OOK-LIGGLE!

  If the word begins with A, E, I, O or U, then you just add iggle to the end. So:

  OVER becomes OVER-IGGLE

  And if a word begins with a sound like TH or CH or SH or WH, then you take the whole sound (both letters) and put them at the end of the word, before you add iggle. So:

  THERE becomes ERE-THIGGLE

  Now can you work out what the two guinea pigs are saying?

  GLOSSARY

  abuela (ab-way-lah) grandmother

  Buenos Aires (bwen-oss eye-rez) the capital of Argentina

  Casa Rosada (cah-sa rose-ah-dah) the Pink House, the palace of the President of Argentina

  che! (chay!) hey!

  confitería (con-feet-air-ee-ah) cafe

  dulce de leche (dool-say day letch-ay) sweet caramel – literally ‘jam of milk’

  facturas (fac-too-rass) little sweet pastries

  La Plaza de las Bananas Blancas Plaza of the White Bananas

  Obelisco (obb-ell-isc-oh) the Obelisk

  señor (sen-yor) Mr or Sir

  señora (sen-yor-ah) Mrs or Madam

  sobrina (sob-reen-ah) girl cousin

  sobrino (sob-reen-oh) boy cousin

  submarino (soob-mah-reen-oh) glass of warm milk with a lump of chocolate melting inside it

  tía (tee-ah) aunt

  vamos! (ba-moss) let's go!